And the happiest of tales
is what I'm feeling right now,
Trying to write like William Shakespeare
but I don't deserve a stage bow,
This photo says it all
I'm so happy and resplendent,
My smile and my eyes
reflects my joy and oft' independence,
http://julieryanphotography.pixieset.com/manishajoshi/p/NDUxNjEzOTA3-MjE5MDg3NjY4OQ/
And the fullest of the moon
couldn't capture all the songs,
That my heart is singing right now
they're righting all the wrongs,
I'm that girl that stands in the room
camouflaging all those demons,
Life is just too beautiful
so I'm not giving the bastards any reasons,
And when the sweetest sound of crickets
takes me to my happy place,
I'll be sure to send you a postcard
from California with a smile on my face...
Monday, May 30, 2016
Wednesday, May 25, 2016
Yesterday's Token
So here's to all the cold hearted
I'm trying hard to become departed,
I'm such a slave to yesterday
And tomorrow is too damn faraway,
How is it that you easily can let go
No kind of attachment do you ever show,
Is it magic or are you just perfect?
You can walk away and leave nothing to disect,
We're all taught to reason with and acquire
To live with wants and needs and desires,
Life doesn't raise us to be contemplative
It's go, get, go until we need to be resuscitated,
So tell me is it from being broken?
Was something stolen like an old love's token?
The days get heavy and the nights are too quiet
The moon's glow delivers an uneasy riot,
So here's to all the cold hearted
You never shirk from what you started
Cause now I know you don't get over it
When things are rough, you walk through it...
I'm trying hard to become departed,
I'm such a slave to yesterday
And tomorrow is too damn faraway,
How is it that you easily can let go
No kind of attachment do you ever show,
Is it magic or are you just perfect?
You can walk away and leave nothing to disect,
We're all taught to reason with and acquire
To live with wants and needs and desires,
Life doesn't raise us to be contemplative
It's go, get, go until we need to be resuscitated,
So tell me is it from being broken?
Was something stolen like an old love's token?
The days get heavy and the nights are too quiet
The moon's glow delivers an uneasy riot,
So here's to all the cold hearted
You never shirk from what you started
Cause now I know you don't get over it
When things are rough, you walk through it...
Sunday, May 22, 2016
Hi Mummy
Hi Mummy,
I miss you. A lot. Today was one of those mornings that I really wanted to go back to our old house at 3434 Marywood Drive in Anaheim Hills. I remembered the long hours of yard work we'd do together on the weekends. Pulling weeds, planting new plants, getting bitten or chased by enormous bumble bees and watching Pappa mow the lawn and sneeze a million times! We would be hot and sweaty and yet, never complained. Everything we did, we did as a labor of love. Maybe all those things you did around us made me love so much in life. I seem to start every sentence with "Oh! I love..." You were a maestro in the kitchen. You handled everything so smoothly when Pappa would be gone for weeks or months for work. But I also saw the frustration and how life wore on you too. I remember how once I by accidentally said, "We're having leftovers again?" and how badly I wanted to take those words back seeing the sadness in your eyes. I remember knocking the ghee all over the floor while helping you as a kid and was strongly ushered away from the kitchen. Boy did I want to magically turn into a mop for you.
Today I had you on my mind as I made breakfast for the crew. I thought, it's Sunday, I'm going to go all out a la Mummy's style - but I served breakfast in paper plates - hope you'll forgive me on that point. I shredded hash browns from fresh potatoes. Cooked veggie soy sausages for protein, made iced coffee, set the table and even cut fresh strawberries with sugar and cinnamon on the side. I felt so good almost hearing your reaction to it. Just minutes before, I reminded the kids to clean their rooms and make sure they practiced for the talent show since it's this Thursday. Well, that started everything. It was as though an invisible plane flew through the air and sliced it in half. I was the evil force on one side, they were the merciless victims on the other. (Yes, we talk about Star Wars way too much!).
How do you get us not to ever argue with you? How did you enforce such great discipline in us that a clean countertop and clothes put away is a sign of joyful respect to life and not a mundane duty?
Then, the evil forces continued to permeate the airspace. Never mind that no one said anything about everything being ready to eat, laid out and well, done with love...a glass of perfectly poured juice was knocked over. Then the iced coffee was knocked over. Mummy, I so needed to hear you say something comforting. I kind of pretended you did. There was a huge puddle and mess and then the kids were mad that I was mad and ohhhh...the following sentences that flowed were seen as a "lecture" and a "speech".
Part of me kept many things I wanted to say silent. When the matriarch and the patriarch are talking, you need one of them to pull back. If it's not me, I am that evil force - no wonder I relate to Darth Vader. I'm not going to change, mind you. You were always a pillar of strength and remained firm on the beauty of domesticity. And I stand firm the same way. Why can't I raise kids to love and respect and cherish their abode? I mean, it is beautiful really. I love (yes, love) being home when it's clean and shiny and beautiful. I can take in the outdoors because the indoors are peaceful. Deep breath here...
So thank you Mummy. When no one is noticing or watching, I have you with me. I think you'd be happy. You'd approve. And hopefully, you'd know I always loved (again!) your love of all things home and travel and food and life. You celebrated it. And everyday, I celebrate it too...
Here's to that and here's to this.
I miss you. A lot. Today was one of those mornings that I really wanted to go back to our old house at 3434 Marywood Drive in Anaheim Hills. I remembered the long hours of yard work we'd do together on the weekends. Pulling weeds, planting new plants, getting bitten or chased by enormous bumble bees and watching Pappa mow the lawn and sneeze a million times! We would be hot and sweaty and yet, never complained. Everything we did, we did as a labor of love. Maybe all those things you did around us made me love so much in life. I seem to start every sentence with "Oh! I love..." You were a maestro in the kitchen. You handled everything so smoothly when Pappa would be gone for weeks or months for work. But I also saw the frustration and how life wore on you too. I remember how once I by accidentally said, "We're having leftovers again?" and how badly I wanted to take those words back seeing the sadness in your eyes. I remember knocking the ghee all over the floor while helping you as a kid and was strongly ushered away from the kitchen. Boy did I want to magically turn into a mop for you.
Today I had you on my mind as I made breakfast for the crew. I thought, it's Sunday, I'm going to go all out a la Mummy's style - but I served breakfast in paper plates - hope you'll forgive me on that point. I shredded hash browns from fresh potatoes. Cooked veggie soy sausages for protein, made iced coffee, set the table and even cut fresh strawberries with sugar and cinnamon on the side. I felt so good almost hearing your reaction to it. Just minutes before, I reminded the kids to clean their rooms and make sure they practiced for the talent show since it's this Thursday. Well, that started everything. It was as though an invisible plane flew through the air and sliced it in half. I was the evil force on one side, they were the merciless victims on the other. (Yes, we talk about Star Wars way too much!).
How do you get us not to ever argue with you? How did you enforce such great discipline in us that a clean countertop and clothes put away is a sign of joyful respect to life and not a mundane duty?
Then, the evil forces continued to permeate the airspace. Never mind that no one said anything about everything being ready to eat, laid out and well, done with love...a glass of perfectly poured juice was knocked over. Then the iced coffee was knocked over. Mummy, I so needed to hear you say something comforting. I kind of pretended you did. There was a huge puddle and mess and then the kids were mad that I was mad and ohhhh...the following sentences that flowed were seen as a "lecture" and a "speech".
Part of me kept many things I wanted to say silent. When the matriarch and the patriarch are talking, you need one of them to pull back. If it's not me, I am that evil force - no wonder I relate to Darth Vader. I'm not going to change, mind you. You were always a pillar of strength and remained firm on the beauty of domesticity. And I stand firm the same way. Why can't I raise kids to love and respect and cherish their abode? I mean, it is beautiful really. I love (yes, love) being home when it's clean and shiny and beautiful. I can take in the outdoors because the indoors are peaceful. Deep breath here...
So thank you Mummy. When no one is noticing or watching, I have you with me. I think you'd be happy. You'd approve. And hopefully, you'd know I always loved (again!) your love of all things home and travel and food and life. You celebrated it. And everyday, I celebrate it too...
Here's to that and here's to this.
Sunday, May 15, 2016
And so it goes...
Perception. It's quite a striking thing really. What one thinks actually thinks of another person, place or thing. Rare that it is close to reality but when it is, there's always that element of surprise. There was once traditional media - newspapers, TV, radio, glossy magazines - where featured social figures and companies seemed untouchable. Now everything is right in front of us...everyone's daily life, when they sneezed, made a good decision, got a bad haircut, married for money, traveled for humanitarian rights. But what really is behind all that? I'm always skeptical of any form of media. To me, if I haven't met the person, visited the place or experienced the thing, then who am I to accept someone else's opinion/rating/judgement of it? You know?
So I was thinking about today's media and how quite often, what we project/post/tweet/instagram/etc can be so different from what our daily grind is. So for fun, I thought I'd post a few of my really, truly, honest-to-goodness moments from this week. Then perhaps, you will really see, the true me, in real reality (did that make you laugh?)
It's the morning...
The alarm goes off at 6:00am but I hit snooze at least twice. I kiss the kids. Make sure they have their clothes chosen for the day - that alone becomes quite emotional when you have a 10 year old girl. Then I tidy up a bit. Stop by our temple on the way downstairs, gotta be thankful for everything that has or may come my way. And then begins the fun or mayhem. Bring out the lunchboxes and contemplate what should be imported into them. If I'm good to myself, I'll put on a few tunes to get my morning going. Then of course, I hear random arguments between the kids upstairs. I hear my husband clearing his throat and construction trucks pulling into the streets. Birds are chirping madly outside and I am very happy the TV is off. I finish making three lunches and dash off to brush my teeth, put on my eyes (contacts) and figure out what I'll be wearing and doing for the day. This is critical. There are books dedicated to morning-drop-off outfits. Well not really, but someone should really write one. Please moms, leggings and pajamas are not pants! And keep your underpants on! After putting my face on (makeup), I head out to have breakfast with the crew. I say a silent prayer that they won't knock their glass over and spill the milk - which happens at least once a month. I eat. Kiss and hug my hubby goodbye as he aims to save the world from allergies. Meanwhile, I see a few stray socks by the door, about three different footballs and mismatched pairs of kids shoes. I breathe deeply and am thankful the checkbook is balanced or so I think. I take my vitamin, get dressed and then it's time to sweetly, I stress the word, sweetly, tell them..it's time to go!
The commute...
If the morning is pressed for time, I get into the car juggling my cell phone, a plate of a fried egg and bagel and a glass of milk. All while hoping the kids have put their backpacks and lunches in the car and no one has lost a limb yet. I have too many nightmares of them getting their fingers crushed in the door while closing it. Don't ask why. I crank up the volume to our ipod and while 60 miles an hour is preferred, I gotta be good and drive slow. I do want to live here for a while so I can't run over any neighbors just yet. We listen to our religious song which we do every morning and then it's time for song requests. Yes, this incurs arguing between my cartoons - either the song is played too often, one of them should get chosen first or they should be thanking me that I haven't crashed the car just hearing this backseat rumble. Just for kicks I play Depeche Mode as loud as possible till they can laugh or cry. Aaahhhh, peace has been instilled. Maybe not. Then I start my happy dance and they are mortally embarrassed that their mother, who has no tinted windows to date, is dancing away. I'm not making apologies here. Unless we were owners of a dance club, I could easily omit this activity from my morning hour, but oh why would I do that?! We get to school. As they get their stuff out of the trunk, I realize with horror that I haven't cut their fingernails in some unrecognizable amount of time...so I bring out the nail cutter and yes, cut their nails in the school parking lot. Oh c'mon, you gotta do what you gotta do! I walk them to class. Kisses, hugs and more embarrassment ensues - that's the reward for being a parent. Although, there is an unwritten acceptance between us- they accept my nuttiness in exchange for them being cartoons.
The day begins...
Now I can stretch my arms, look up at the sky and pull out my mental or written to do list. Sadly, none of the items on there are 1. Meet David Gahan 2. Catch flight to Bombay or 3. Enjoy a morning martini atop a hill in Laguna Niguel, CA. So I forge into the reality of the real list. McDonald's is calling me - I pick up my large coffee with 10 creams and 10 sugars. Oh please don't cringe, I need everything delicious sip of those ingredients! While every one of my days is different. Typically, grocery shopping, meeting one of my seamstresses, going to the bank, having a Chamber or business meeting, working with my assistant Lauren, joining a friend for coffee or lunch, returning phone calls, doing laundry, cleaning house are oh so common daily jigs. Of course, realizing the population of Greenland (which is at its all time low) is actually higher than that of the chips, cookie segments and fallen candy on the backseat of my car makes me stop and cringe. So sometimes, I take the longer or scenic route to places just to make life feel prettier. I am out of gas about every sixth day. It's easy for me pull over to take photographs about every third mile, and why not? Everything in life has some characteristic of beauty to me and I want to capture it. I love touching base with my closet friends be it text, calling or meeting so I try to reach out every day to one person and feel even giddier if I said hello and laughed with two or three of them. Really, that makes me giddy. I always make sure to talk to the builders, the inspector and wave at all of the contruction workers - I think they are so under-appreciated. Beside, I get to hear great stories from them. I keep my check on the time because I have to compress my entire day between 8:30am and 2:00pm. I try to prevent dragging the kids to errands - inevitably $20 gets spent on puuhhlleeaassee...donuts, candy or football cards...puuuhhlleeaassee! But sometimes, I have to. The good thing is that lessons get learned with errands. The cost of gas. Why donating to Goodwill is important. How donuts are made - there go the donuts again. But honestly, I think it's important they get to see what mom has to do outside of the fun lunches and things.
The day, part two...
The commute home is always questionable. If one of them has had a bad day, the entire ride and I mean the entire ride, is spent cheering them up. Letting them know that that dumb kid shouldn't have said that thing or that the teacher may not have meant to tell you to be quiet, is an art. Ooooohhhh. See why I need a large coffee with 10 creams and 10 sugars? And oh yes, I must must pack snacks, water and Capri Sun before I pick them up. They are ever so thirsty and hungry after school. Then of course, music requests kick in. Traffic is very slow. People must drive in the fast lane at 10mph. The Gods have summoned them. Coming home, a nap is calling. So after going over homework, getting out more snacks and checking the schedule for later-on-classes, I lay my head down. Mind you, it's rare that I actually sleep during this time. But getting to just lay down and close my eyes really feels good. Depending on the day of the week, it's either gym night, music class or theater class. So again, pac the snacks and drinks and away we go.
Dinner...
While I had dreamed of candlelight dinners and gourmet meals cooked by me, I am quite okay with eating pizza and watching Seinfeld on a picnic blanket on the floor. Hey if it works, it works. While watching, a done list is running through my head. Did I get everything done? Do I need to stay up tonight? Is take the trash out night? Do I have papers to sign for the kids's school? Did everyone put their clothes away? Is their more laundry to dry? Mmmmmm. I need a moment to myself as everyone heads upstairs. My best time for anything needing concentration is when the world, as in my household, is asleep. I love love love the peacefulness of the night. And so, while I empty lunch boxes, hand out vitamins and clean the countertops, I pause to think of the day and what's in my head for tomorrow.
Night...
I either pass out by 9:00pm or am awake till 100am getting work done. Yes, I inevitably chat with my California and Bombay friends while working. The time zone works perfectly that way and then I don't feel alone while doing mundane website updates or family finances, you know?
Once I do hit the pillow, it makes me smile to see a few scattered stars in the sky. I always imagine one of them is my Pappa. I miss him so much. And then, I imagine him smiling down at my Mummy. She's just too far away. And right now, November is a month that's on my countdown because it's when I'll see her again.
Well, it's past 900pm, so do I sleep or work? Mmmmmm, time to pause and reflect.
So I was thinking about today's media and how quite often, what we project/post/tweet/instagram/etc can be so different from what our daily grind is. So for fun, I thought I'd post a few of my really, truly, honest-to-goodness moments from this week. Then perhaps, you will really see, the true me, in real reality (did that make you laugh?)
It's the morning...
The alarm goes off at 6:00am but I hit snooze at least twice. I kiss the kids. Make sure they have their clothes chosen for the day - that alone becomes quite emotional when you have a 10 year old girl. Then I tidy up a bit. Stop by our temple on the way downstairs, gotta be thankful for everything that has or may come my way. And then begins the fun or mayhem. Bring out the lunchboxes and contemplate what should be imported into them. If I'm good to myself, I'll put on a few tunes to get my morning going. Then of course, I hear random arguments between the kids upstairs. I hear my husband clearing his throat and construction trucks pulling into the streets. Birds are chirping madly outside and I am very happy the TV is off. I finish making three lunches and dash off to brush my teeth, put on my eyes (contacts) and figure out what I'll be wearing and doing for the day. This is critical. There are books dedicated to morning-drop-off outfits. Well not really, but someone should really write one. Please moms, leggings and pajamas are not pants! And keep your underpants on! After putting my face on (makeup), I head out to have breakfast with the crew. I say a silent prayer that they won't knock their glass over and spill the milk - which happens at least once a month. I eat. Kiss and hug my hubby goodbye as he aims to save the world from allergies. Meanwhile, I see a few stray socks by the door, about three different footballs and mismatched pairs of kids shoes. I breathe deeply and am thankful the checkbook is balanced or so I think. I take my vitamin, get dressed and then it's time to sweetly, I stress the word, sweetly, tell them..it's time to go!
The commute...
If the morning is pressed for time, I get into the car juggling my cell phone, a plate of a fried egg and bagel and a glass of milk. All while hoping the kids have put their backpacks and lunches in the car and no one has lost a limb yet. I have too many nightmares of them getting their fingers crushed in the door while closing it. Don't ask why. I crank up the volume to our ipod and while 60 miles an hour is preferred, I gotta be good and drive slow. I do want to live here for a while so I can't run over any neighbors just yet. We listen to our religious song which we do every morning and then it's time for song requests. Yes, this incurs arguing between my cartoons - either the song is played too often, one of them should get chosen first or they should be thanking me that I haven't crashed the car just hearing this backseat rumble. Just for kicks I play Depeche Mode as loud as possible till they can laugh or cry. Aaahhhh, peace has been instilled. Maybe not. Then I start my happy dance and they are mortally embarrassed that their mother, who has no tinted windows to date, is dancing away. I'm not making apologies here. Unless we were owners of a dance club, I could easily omit this activity from my morning hour, but oh why would I do that?! We get to school. As they get their stuff out of the trunk, I realize with horror that I haven't cut their fingernails in some unrecognizable amount of time...so I bring out the nail cutter and yes, cut their nails in the school parking lot. Oh c'mon, you gotta do what you gotta do! I walk them to class. Kisses, hugs and more embarrassment ensues - that's the reward for being a parent. Although, there is an unwritten acceptance between us- they accept my nuttiness in exchange for them being cartoons.
The day begins...
Now I can stretch my arms, look up at the sky and pull out my mental or written to do list. Sadly, none of the items on there are 1. Meet David Gahan 2. Catch flight to Bombay or 3. Enjoy a morning martini atop a hill in Laguna Niguel, CA. So I forge into the reality of the real list. McDonald's is calling me - I pick up my large coffee with 10 creams and 10 sugars. Oh please don't cringe, I need everything delicious sip of those ingredients! While every one of my days is different. Typically, grocery shopping, meeting one of my seamstresses, going to the bank, having a Chamber or business meeting, working with my assistant Lauren, joining a friend for coffee or lunch, returning phone calls, doing laundry, cleaning house are oh so common daily jigs. Of course, realizing the population of Greenland (which is at its all time low) is actually higher than that of the chips, cookie segments and fallen candy on the backseat of my car makes me stop and cringe. So sometimes, I take the longer or scenic route to places just to make life feel prettier. I am out of gas about every sixth day. It's easy for me pull over to take photographs about every third mile, and why not? Everything in life has some characteristic of beauty to me and I want to capture it. I love touching base with my closet friends be it text, calling or meeting so I try to reach out every day to one person and feel even giddier if I said hello and laughed with two or three of them. Really, that makes me giddy. I always make sure to talk to the builders, the inspector and wave at all of the contruction workers - I think they are so under-appreciated. Beside, I get to hear great stories from them. I keep my check on the time because I have to compress my entire day between 8:30am and 2:00pm. I try to prevent dragging the kids to errands - inevitably $20 gets spent on puuhhlleeaassee...donuts, candy or football cards...puuuhhlleeaassee! But sometimes, I have to. The good thing is that lessons get learned with errands. The cost of gas. Why donating to Goodwill is important. How donuts are made - there go the donuts again. But honestly, I think it's important they get to see what mom has to do outside of the fun lunches and things.
The day, part two...
The commute home is always questionable. If one of them has had a bad day, the entire ride and I mean the entire ride, is spent cheering them up. Letting them know that that dumb kid shouldn't have said that thing or that the teacher may not have meant to tell you to be quiet, is an art. Ooooohhhh. See why I need a large coffee with 10 creams and 10 sugars? And oh yes, I must must pack snacks, water and Capri Sun before I pick them up. They are ever so thirsty and hungry after school. Then of course, music requests kick in. Traffic is very slow. People must drive in the fast lane at 10mph. The Gods have summoned them. Coming home, a nap is calling. So after going over homework, getting out more snacks and checking the schedule for later-on-classes, I lay my head down. Mind you, it's rare that I actually sleep during this time. But getting to just lay down and close my eyes really feels good. Depending on the day of the week, it's either gym night, music class or theater class. So again, pac the snacks and drinks and away we go.
Dinner...
While I had dreamed of candlelight dinners and gourmet meals cooked by me, I am quite okay with eating pizza and watching Seinfeld on a picnic blanket on the floor. Hey if it works, it works. While watching, a done list is running through my head. Did I get everything done? Do I need to stay up tonight? Is take the trash out night? Do I have papers to sign for the kids's school? Did everyone put their clothes away? Is their more laundry to dry? Mmmmmm. I need a moment to myself as everyone heads upstairs. My best time for anything needing concentration is when the world, as in my household, is asleep. I love love love the peacefulness of the night. And so, while I empty lunch boxes, hand out vitamins and clean the countertops, I pause to think of the day and what's in my head for tomorrow.
Night...
I either pass out by 9:00pm or am awake till 100am getting work done. Yes, I inevitably chat with my California and Bombay friends while working. The time zone works perfectly that way and then I don't feel alone while doing mundane website updates or family finances, you know?
Once I do hit the pillow, it makes me smile to see a few scattered stars in the sky. I always imagine one of them is my Pappa. I miss him so much. And then, I imagine him smiling down at my Mummy. She's just too far away. And right now, November is a month that's on my countdown because it's when I'll see her again.
Well, it's past 900pm, so do I sleep or work? Mmmmmm, time to pause and reflect.
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