The Delicate Balance of Happiness and Hurt

To me, life is such a balancing act. Not just of time and duties and activities, but of deep emotions. The kind that sink into your skin so deep, you wonder if they were always there waiting to surface. Daily, I think of my parents. And daily, I wish I was there. To hold their hands, to take them out for walks, to see their smiles, their sadness, their everyday. The stuff you just can't touch over the phone. Here's my family celebrating my parents 50th wedding anniversary in December 2007. It was a great night as we had never all been together in one room at one time.

Just as tears surface when I hear my pappa's voice, Sohan comes around the corner with a smile as wide as the miles between Jacksonville and Irvine. I break out a smile too. What a joy he is! Always happy and ready to explore the next fallen potato chip on the floor. His joy for life matches that of my dad's, who is walking more each day. And although he still needs help, he is not one to ever back down to any challenge. That's what makes him pappa. He reads the paper, watches the news and tries his best to remember what he can of the live he led. And what a great life it was - travels all over the world, international residences, great education, rich experiences, a family who loves him...All things I hope his memory will recapture.

Remembering is not a problem for our endearing Saloni. She can recall the minutest of details and is great to have around when you don't have a pen or paper. I love to stop and tickle her and get that infectious laugh inside my head. I need that to silence the sorrow I feel for mummy who at times spends more time than she should wondering why it all happened. How is it that two seemingly healthy parents can have heart attacks within 48 hours of each other? It just doesn't seem right.

But while I could waste time wondering about all the why's, I know I have to focus on the now. I have today to enjoy, experience, embrace. My kids. My husband. My life. It's here and in front of me. That delicate balance.

Fireworks and the 5th mile

You are probably wondering what these two themes in the title have in common, huh? Well, let me tell you the comment that propelled me to finally start walking for my health. You see, it was New Year's weekend and every six months, we do a local vacation. It's a great way to get to know your own city so we chose downtown Jacksonville and got a riverfront room at the Hyatt. The views were just gorgeous and the front seat to the fireworks on the water were amazing. So amazing that the sounds scared Sohan straight into the bathroom (we had to put him in there because of the noise!).

As we were walking around the Landing, the restaurants and the like, I was huffing and puffing. Sunil said, "Honey, you know you're slim but not fit. You should be fine with all this walking." Man, was he right! It got me thinking...shame on me for having God bless with me limbs that work fine and all I use them for are the day-to-day duties of life. Flashback to my Dad, he was one who walked every single day, rain or shine and now he can't even walk without help. So, what was I waiting for?

Well, today I reached the fifth mile in my first week of walking. I am now determined to walk 2-5 miles a week with Sohan and stroller in tow. I love the glow and sweat already.

"Dad, thanks for being part of my inspiration."

The 31 days of December

To describe this month is to describe every aspect of human emotion one could possibly feel in a month. From turning 37 to seeing my father being admitted into a nursing home to watching Sohan crawl 25 miles an hour, it has been quite a month. I absolutely love this picture of Sohan. It seems to reflect so many things - curiosity, hope, fear, dreams, thoughts, the unknown, the past, the future...all of what I was feeling as he was watching clouds float by on the plane.

Although my trip to CA again was with a heavy heart, I felt good spending time with my sis Smita, her husband, Ashit and their kids, Jay and Josh. While they ate up Sohan, I really go to bond with all of them and more than anything, realize what the value of family coming together is.

Here's dear old Dad giving his best hug to Sohan. It was so nice to see him light up after so many days cooped up in the hospital. He is positively the most determined individual I have ever known and with all that he has gone through and continues to go through, I've yet to hear my Pappa complain about anything.

This was the first time he was taught how to walk again and he was just beaming like a child. So excited so eager to take more than ten steps. So like the Dad I've always known.

On a lighter note, my two favorite nutjobs are just the apples of my world. They are the reason it makes dealing with my parents plight a tad bit easier. Here's Saloni in her adorable Dora dress - all decked out for her Christmas party at school. And of course, she'll be in any picture with her best friend and "boyfriend" Jonah - isn't he just the cutest?

Speaking of cute, here's my bundle of sweet potato pie Sohan!

With everything going on, I could not be more thankful to have Sunil by my side. His levelheadedness keeps me grounded just when I might feel like breaking down. If you're reading this honey, you ARE the best.