The Delicate Balance of Happiness and Hurt

To me, life is such a balancing act. Not just of time and duties and activities, but of deep emotions. The kind that sink into your skin so deep, you wonder if they were always there waiting to surface. Daily, I think of my parents. And daily, I wish I was there. To hold their hands, to take them out for walks, to see their smiles, their sadness, their everyday. The stuff you just can't touch over the phone. Here's my family celebrating my parents 50th wedding anniversary in December 2007. It was a great night as we had never all been together in one room at one time.

Just as tears surface when I hear my pappa's voice, Sohan comes around the corner with a smile as wide as the miles between Jacksonville and Irvine. I break out a smile too. What a joy he is! Always happy and ready to explore the next fallen potato chip on the floor. His joy for life matches that of my dad's, who is walking more each day. And although he still needs help, he is not one to ever back down to any challenge. That's what makes him pappa. He reads the paper, watches the news and tries his best to remember what he can of the live he led. And what a great life it was - travels all over the world, international residences, great education, rich experiences, a family who loves him...All things I hope his memory will recapture.

Remembering is not a problem for our endearing Saloni. She can recall the minutest of details and is great to have around when you don't have a pen or paper. I love to stop and tickle her and get that infectious laugh inside my head. I need that to silence the sorrow I feel for mummy who at times spends more time than she should wondering why it all happened. How is it that two seemingly healthy parents can have heart attacks within 48 hours of each other? It just doesn't seem right.

But while I could waste time wondering about all the why's, I know I have to focus on the now. I have today to enjoy, experience, embrace. My kids. My husband. My life. It's here and in front of me. That delicate balance.