Our local newspaper asked residents to write about lessons learned, experiences, etc., that we had in 2009. The edited version they published online is here.
Here's what I wrote in full:
What I’ve learned…
By Manisha S. Joshi
Starting the year 2009 was difficult. My parents suffered dual heart attacks within 48 hours in November of 2008. While my Mummy survived okay, my father was in a coma for about a week and when he opened his eyes and looked at us, I had never felt more scared. Scared because a thousand questions flooded into my head, would he talk again? Walk again? Know what happened?
Fast forwarding into 2009, after months of rehab (God bless all the nurses and patient assistants), my Pappa was able to come home. But he was not the same. Because of significant oxygen loss to the brain when he suffered the heart attack, his memory was impaired and his thought processes were scattered. Add to the fact that my parents live 3,000 miles away in California and you can see why “ringing” in the New Year had a different meaning for me. While my sisters bore most of the weight of their care and significant lifestyle change locally, it was hard not to have the chance to do things for them. Simple things like baking them cookies or taking them out for dinner. They were able to find a dedicated home healthcare aid, Weeda, and she has become part of the family now. She takes him on three mile walks and plays card games and talks to him to get him energized.
Through phone calls and photographs, I try my best to get my Pappa talking about family, our kids and everyday things like the weather, the news, etc. My Mummy, ever full of sorrow from such a sudden change in their lives, was even harder to console. Here they were on a sunny day in November preparing for a party when suddenly Pappa just collapsed. Their amazingly healthy diet and easy-going lifestyle would have never predicted this.
But I learned a very important lesson from this. And that is “live!”. Live with what you have. Surround yourself with what you want. Live in the moment, because it can be taken from you at any given time and at any age. Write that letter to your best friend. Send a thank you to your dry cleaner. Love the ones not just related to you but those that make a difference in your life, because that’s your family too. Channel your energy towards those you can help. Knowing I can’t do everything I want to for my parents because I’m far away hasn’t stopped me from channeling those desires towards my kids. Teaching them to donate to Goodwill, digging dirt with them, visiting their grandparents (my husband’s parents) weekly and just making sure they are loved helps me sleep most nights.
Mummy’s strength and commitment to my Pappa always inspires me – they have been married for 52 years now. While my Pappa doesn’t remember who I am on some days, I take shelter in the fact that I’m blessed with an amazing marriage of eight years and healthy, happy kids. And that is one memory no one can take from my parents.
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