The Loneliest Day

Dear Pappa,

Remember when you tried to teach me how to ride a bike? I kept falling off and kept getting hurt and you told me to keep getting up. I wish you were here Dad, because I can't seem to get up today. I miss you. It's the first Monday since I came back home and there such a deep silence in the house. The kids are at school, Sunil is at work. I am here. Alone. And surrounded by a thousand memories of you.

Where do I go when it feels so lonely? I need you to tell me. You know, back in Irvine, when I was at your old desk in the garage, I found your work diaries. You never shared these wonderful writings! I pored over them in the still of the night. They were so wonderful...all about management, sales, marketing and things you have learned at work. The last page was dated August 2008, three months before your heart attack. The attack that took everything from you.

I'm trying to understand what it is to say goodbye. Saloni asks me all the time if I'm sad about Arvind dada. What a gem of a girl. Sohan has wiped my tears so many times. And you would be so proud of Sunil. Pappa, he said the most beautiful words at your funeral. I tried to say as much as I could, but it's not enough.

I looked at the clouds this morning on the way to the kids' school and said hi to you. Saloni asked if you could hear me...can you?

It's cold, windy and gloomy here. But I hope where you are it is sunny and warm and beautiful. And most of all Dad, know that you gave us the best in so many ways. No matter what corner of the world you were in, you were with us.

I love you Pappa.